Black Flies Want To Suck Your Blood

Here in the beautiful state of Maine we have a beautiful assortment of state birds. The one you will find in history books is the Chickadee, a fat graceful little creature.

A picture of the Glorious Chickadee

But what they don't tell you is that the REAL state bird is the Black Fly. They lie in wait all winter long and POUNCE as soon as the snow melts. Now, not only do Black Flies hunt us down like a gazel, but they too, like their evil cousin, the mosquito, swarm you and overwhelm you with their gargantuan numbers.  

A surprisingly accurate image of a Black Fly ATTACK

Now for a little lesson on the Black Fly.

There are more than 1,250 species of Black Fly. At least 110 of those are in Canada (The Great North, my birth place).

They just LOVE any place that is marshy or pond/lake/river like. They only grow to be a few millimeters, but this is a lie. Here, they grow to be the size of small birds. Or bats. The kind that sucks your blood. Vampire Bats.

Now, each female lays 150 - 600 eggs in her life time (about 3 weeks). They use blood for egg development. IN FACT, the females are the ones with the little pincers and fangs. The males are rarely observed. They are mostly just used for their Black Fly sperm. How interesting. And disgusting.

So now you know the vileness of these repulsive creatures. They live to produce. For three weeks each one flies around sucking our blood and making more little bitty Black Flies.

Now, since Maine is mostly trees and marsh and ponds/lakes/rivers, Black Flies populate the majority of Maine. So you can just IMAGINE how common these little buggers are. You can google ways to keep these things away, but NOTHING WORKS!!! I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING AND NOTHING EVER WORKS . . . EVER!!!!

Anywho, google says that if you drench yourself with Off and wear bright colors, they won't be as attracted to you. Not true. They can sense the sent of your blood from miles away. Day or night, THEY WILL FIND YOU. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. And when they finally find you, they stalk you till you are driven insane from the constant swatting. After you have given up the will to live (or swat) they go in for the kill. They then procede to suck you dry until you are reduced to a shriveled shell of a human being. Much like the Crypt Keeper.

Crypt Keeper