Recently, I have begun to ponder the different ways to sneeze. Yes folks, SNEEZE. Now I myself am a Retainer. I Retain my sneezes. When I sneeze, I have an amazing build up, with a less than satisfying release. Basically, it just appears that I hold my sneeze in, creating a small explosion in my brain.

The Retainer

Brain Exploding Sneeze

Another type of sneeze, is the exploding sneeze. This sneezer has a dramatic build up, making a HUGE deal out of how he or she will soon SNEEZE. They make a GARGANTUAN deal out of the build up with the stereotype:
AH, AH, AH, CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Then then proceded to let their bodily functions FLY OUT EVERYWHERE. And because of all of the fuss they have made, they feel it is necessary to NOT cover their mouths, and feel the utmost need to share with us, their sneeze.

The Exploder

The Dramatic Sneeze

The next kind of sneeze I have identified is the Squeaker. When this person sneezes, there is usually no great build up, but ultimately ends with them creating a sound somewhat similar to that of a small rodent being trod upon. When written, it sounds somewhat like this: "choo." Which is about 3 octaves higher than this person talking voice. I find this more annoying than the Exploding Sneeze (which I take to heart as I used to - and still do a little - suffer from an irrational fear of germs/bacteria), as this person is usually just vying for attention.

The Squeaker

I JUST KILLED AN INNOCENT HORD OF GERBILS

Maybe the most annoying sneeze I shall inform you of is that of The Spastic Sneezer. This sneezer will sporadically sneeze any number of times. This sneezer will either tell you about it ahead of time, or will just break out in a fit of sneezing. Their sneezing fits can have any number of build up techniques, from coming out of NO WHERE, to The Dramatic Build Up.

The Spastic Sneezer

Guess What, No One Cares

The last of the sneezes I shall explain, is The Holder. Now this sneezer is often mistaken for The Retainer, but is very different. The Holder HOLDS THEIR SNEEZE IN vs . The Retainer, who can not help that their sneezes are held inside their brains. These sneezers are usually labeled as the Dare Devils of Sneezers. The Holders are the chance takers who risk fate and brain cells, because EVERYONE knows that a few of your brain cells die every time you hold it in. Or well, when you sneeze in general, but that number multiplies when you hold it in.

The Holder

Woah

I wonder how moose sneeze . . .