The Maine Wilderness

Every so often, when I leave the beautiful state of Maine, I find myself describing to the people I meet just what and where Maine is. Most people believe that Maine is just a part of Canada. Erm, no. 
What I would LIKE to say of Maine is this:


"Maine is a beautiful land of hopes and dreams where Unicorns frolic and prance beneath double rainbows!!!"


What I USUALLY end up saying is:


"Maine is pretty much pine trees and black flies with the occasional Fumbling Moose."


Now where I live in Maine is a tiny little town called Hope. Well, actually, South Hope. We're too rugged to be incorporated in "North Hope." We South Hopeians are looked down upon by those of upper Hope. Mostly because those who live in South Hope have closets that consist of Carhartt and cameo. We are labeled "Rednecks." With due cause. The South Hope store (Pushaw's Trading Post) sells beer, deer pee and milk.


The other thing about where I live is that all of the neighboring towns have equally whimsical names. For example, Union and Friendship. We also have town names for various famous cities or countries. Mexico, Paris, China. And of course, towns named after our famous American Leaders: Washington, Jefferson. This list goes on, but I feel I've made my point. Now most people think that with such heartfelt names, Mainers must be heartfelt people. Alas, no such thing. Of couse, there are the few who actually stop to help you change the blown tire from a loose shotgun shell on the side of Route 1, but that's only because the truck I drive is a 1984, Apple Red C10 Scottsdale Chevy. But they usually just stare at the fact that a 17 year old girl is driving a truck that is in its original state, and not a combination of three other trucks of the same make and model.


Of course living in Maine has its advantages. I live in an old Maternity Home. From like, the 50's. Yeah, birthing home. Most people find that extremely creepy. I do too, but that's okay because no babies died here. Most people just get this constipated look on their face and say:


"Oh. Em. Gee. That is so . . . ew."


I do remember though, on MULTIPLE occasions when we got a sub bus driver, he would open the door for me and give me a long dramatic sigh and say:


"My mothah was born in that house."


I would nod and jump out of that bus faster than a bat out of Hell to try to get away from his Nascar hat and creepy crooked teeth.


That's the other thing about Maine. Most of the REAL residents of Maine pronounce all of their a's at the end of words as er's and their er's as ah's.


An Example:


Emmer was mowin' the lawn with her lawnmowah.


They also use improper grammar when at all possible. Double negatives are just a part of Maine lingo. Us Mainers are also not very witty. The extent of Maine wit is naming your Lawn Mowing business: Mainely Mowing. It would be witty if it wasn't used in every other business you pass.


We also have our own popular sayings/phrases. The most popular and possibly well known Maine saying (if you know where Maine is of course) is Wicked. We rarely say:


"Well Watson, would you look at the size of that double wide! Spectacular!"


What you are more likely to hear is:


"BOB! Look at that there double wide of Dick's. It's Wicked Good."